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By Jack Godbey

Columnist

 

I’ll have to admit, it’s been a strange day for me. It all started this morning when I took my dog out on his morning walk. When I got to the park, I saw a sign that said, “If your dog poops, please pick it up”. I swear I tried to hold him as long as I could, but he was too heavy, and I had to set him down. My dog was mean mugging me the whole time and I pointed to the sign and told him it wasn’t my idea. Then, I found a hat full of money on the sidewalk just sitting there. I scooped it up and decided it would be cappuccino and donuts all around. However, an angry guy with a guitar began to chase me. As I ran down the street, I pulled a muscle in my leg and had to stop. The guy chasing me didn’t speak English, but I didn’t really need to to figure out what he was saying. Some words are just universal. My mind flashed back to 1978 when my mother told me to never touch anything that didn’t belong to me. Now, here we are over 40 years later with a pulled muscle and my breathing sounds like a Hoover vacuum cleaner with a clogged hose. I guess some things are learned the hard way.

I discovered that the new RV I bought was so big, I had to obtain a CDL license to drive it. Well, I figured I had been driving a tractor since I was 13, how different could it be and threw my study guide on the table and forgot about it. When I took the test, the examiner asked me “What kind of sign would you expect to see down a narrow country road”? I’m guessing that when I said, “Fresh eggs for sale” it was not the answer he was looking for. I failed the test and must pay to retake it. My parents always told me when I was in school to study hard, but it seems I forgot that lesson. I guess you learn some lessons the hard way.

On the drive home, I got a phone call from my kid’s school. They said, “Your child always causes trouble in school”. I answered, “Well, he causes trouble at home too, but you don’t see me calling you” and I hung up. Looks like my kid is going to be homeschooled now. Some lessons you learn the hard way.

My parents tried to teach me to save money. When I was in my 20s, that wasn’t a problem because I didn’t have any money to save. In fact, my savings account at that time was the loose change that fell on the floorboard of my car. More than once, I had to search under the seats and make a “withdrawal” to buy a gas station hot dog. My net worth consisted of about fifty cents in pennies and a zebra c